I'm eating all of the evidence.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
