I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
no more duck duck goose at the bar
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
