So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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