Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Randomize
