As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
