Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
