idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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