I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
