my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
