When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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