My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
i've created a new STD.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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