We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
