bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
