cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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