I wish I could punch you in the face.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
