My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
