those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
