Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
