oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
