You work out of a Hotel?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
