shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I would fuck him just for his dog
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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