This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
