You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize