Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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