Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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