Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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