Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
