She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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