I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
