I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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