true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
