how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
