I'd wear matching sweaters with you
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
