and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
