like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
