remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
