I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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