You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
