this just has baby written all over it
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
