So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
