dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
i think i just lost a toe
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
