So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I don't think brook has ever known best
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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