I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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