so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
