Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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