i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
