summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
