Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
