come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
