AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Is it penis luge time yet?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
