I've blown a few things in my day
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
