38 yer olds are good kisserssss
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
