I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
