Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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