Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Dick very happy bro
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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