Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You made out with two different species that night
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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