He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
