I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
